No Longer
by OzZMaN
Summary: What do you suppose Cloud's thoughts were as he was swallowed by the Lifestream at the Jenova Reunion, right after he gave Sephiroth the Black Materia the second time? I like how this one turned out, and I think you will too. Please review if you read!


**No Longer….**

By OzZMaN

Sephiroth…..

That pounding thunder in my head, controlling my movements, tearing at my soul.I can't take this, I can't allow it, yet I am powerless.

_Get out of my mind!_

No good, he won't listen to me, all he cares about is getting the black materia…

_The black materia, do I have it?_

He chuckles in the back of my head, stinging my nerves and my thoughts. He knows he'll have no problem convincing me to give it to him.But, what about the Planet?

I look at my friends, all staring at me in question.Even Hojo and Rufus, for once seem to be confused.I apologize to Tifa, I never meant for any of this to happen.I look to my friends, even the Shinra, and apologize.But I guess it is my destiny.To be a puppet, a mindless, failed experiment….

Here I am, Sephiroth, I have the black materia for you.I float through the air by an unseen force up to the cocoon of crystallized materia.He's here, and he is waiting for me.I hear shouting from far below, but it doesn't register.I don't want to hear them, I just want to do as I'm told.And be what I always was.A puppet.

Suddenly an unbearable sound, in my head, yes, it's my conscience, telling me to stop, stop it before it's too late.But the Jenova in me is too strong; Sephiroth is controlling me through her.

I'm sorry for all of this, I tell myself.I didn't want to do this, but I'm just too weak.

I can't control my body anymore; my legs, my arms, they become lifeless.I can feel the strings attached to them now, pulling at me, demanding my limbs to make certain movements.I obey the twisted, vile force which has taken over me.The black materia is in my hands; I reach out and touch it to the cocoon.A bright energy is released, the energy of pure evil.I watch it diffuse into Sephiroth's awaiting body.The earth begins to shake; all that is around me begins to collapse and fall apart.

# 

# What's happening?

# 

# I am confused, panic stricken, overwhelmed.The voice in my head stops.My strings are severed.I finally snap back into reality, but it is too late.The last image my eyes receive is the horrid monster, WEAPON, breaking out of its time capsule.The cell that has imprisoned it for thousands of years, waiting to be used in defense of the Planet.Looks as though I have succeeded in causing these creatures to be released.To wreak havoc, destroy, murder.

# Oh God, what have I done?

_ _

I don't understand why I destroyed the Planet, _I_ destroyed everything, by giving Sephiroth that sphere of death.The orb of energy that will eradicate everyone, my friends, my hometown, everything.Now he will use it; he'll summon the ultimate destructive magic, Meteor, and everything living shall perish.Day shall turn to night, and life shall turn to death, forever.And it's all my fault; nothing I can do now but watch my death come from above.And so it comes…

A deafening crash, like millions of tons of liquid filling an empty space in a single instant.I fall, with the crystallized materia, to the earth below.I don't have time enough to recover before I smell the very distinct fumes of the essence of life itself, Mako, the Lifestream.It will fill this place soon, and swallow anything that is living.Not without a sense of irony, how the very blood of life can kill….

_ _

Soon the walls cave in and the area is filled with billions of gallons of Lifestream.The glow is blinding, incandescent, more luminous than the noonday sun.The force of life shining on, knowing that evil has succeeded, filling this place with its glory, trying to destroy the evil with its creation of WEAPON.

Now I am submerged in an incredible amount of flowing Mako, flowing towards the center of the Planet, back to its place of origin, its home, taking me with it.The sensation is indescribable, as if being wrapped in a mother's loving warmth, as though it understands you, as if it feels your presence around it.Physically it is numbing, taking away all the pain, clearing your mind, causing you to forget.

# Forget?I can't forget, my memories are too shambled as it is…

I can't do anything about this.I fight the serenity to come to the realization that this is the end for me.It will all be over soon, as the river of life poisons me, erases my memories, fragments my body.I can't go now, I still have too much unfinished, not yet.Please, this can't be real…

# Tifa, I'm so so sorry for this, I never got to tell you…

_ _

Yes, my Tifa, whom I'll never see again in the flesh.The woman I loved, my first love, apparently my last love, I have left forever.No longer will I see her angelic face, no longer will I be able to hold her, laugh with her, or get angry at her.But worst of all, I'll never be able to tell her how much I love her, how much I care for her, and how grateful I am for her companionship and her trust.I can never tell her now, because of my weakness, my inability to control my thoughts.Just because I am an experiment, a failed clone, not even truly human.

I see images of Tifa as a child, bombarding my thoughts, then as a teenager at the Nibelheim reactor.I see her lying unresponsive, a vicious wound polluting her chest, from shoulder to shoulder.I carry her to safety, whispering my undying love for her, but she doesn't hear.She has lost consciousness, and I can't tell her.And now I never will.

Screams, voices, all jumbled together, coming from all directions pierce my aching mind.The cries of the Planet, the cries of the deceased, all shouting at me at once, more than my fading spirit can handle.I feel the effects of the Lifestream slowly pulling my spirit energy from me, becoming…dizzy….faint, growing weak….

_Must…..hold..on…longer, _I scream from within.But then a voice, so distinct and separate from all the rest, could it be…

# Aeris?

_ _

I only hear fragments of the sounds she makes, as my lifeforce is draining, my senses failing…

# Wake up, Cloud.It isn't over yet…

_ _

# Isn't over?I….don't…can't….focus….Aeris…

_ _

_You will be found.Don't give up, Cloud, I believe in you…._

_ _

Her voice faded, but I thought I saw a pair of emerald eyes somewhere in front of me.Maybe she was here, in her Promised Land, speaking to me one last time…

My memories start to become highly blurred, jumbled and rearranged by the power of Mako.I hear a noise above me, somewhere, sounding like a powerful blast, an enormous eruption.Lifestream, it is erupting from the crater, expunging its children, the WEAPONS.

_Can't think….anymore…clouded……confused._My thoughts were only arriving at a snail's pace, bit by bit.

_ _

Now my life is slipping, my eyes becoming dim, my breathing slowing.My thoughts grow distant, but I still realize that I am a failure.All my life, I have failed.I failed at joining SOLDIER, I failed in protecting Aeris from Sephiroth, and now, I've failed to protect the Planet from Meteor.I not only failed, but I invoked it.I was weak; I gave the black materia to Sephiroth, and now he'll succeed at destroying everything.He wants to achieve godhood, and I can no longer stop him.I am doomed, as is this Planet, because of me.No longer will I breathe, eat, sleep, or be with the woman I so dearly love.I can't accept the end, I don't want this, but it will soon be all over, with nothing I can do.I feel powerless, naked, helpless.But this is what I deserve.Death, for failing one too many times.Born as a failure, die as a failure.Soon my spirit will be extinguished, but in some ways it is good, for I won't remember Tifa, or the love I never confessed to her.I'll no longer remember Aeris, or the light she brought to the world.My pain will disappear with my memories.I'll cease to exist, I'll vanish, which I suppose is just punishment for letting Sephiroth win.I guess I never lived up to being Cloud.And now, I'll never be able to meet……Cloud…..the real Cloud, as Aeris once told me.

I never wanted….to hurt……. you, Tifa.Sorry….for every….thing,…I…love……you.

This is the end for me, Cloud Strife.I feel the sharp, icy grip of Death as it surrounds my hapless form.I see a final image of Tifa smiling at me within my broken mind.

I feel a tear roll down my cheek, as I smile and close my eyes for the last time.

I haven't seen too many fics dealing with Cloud's thoughts as he is swallowed by the Lifestream in disk two, right after giving Sephiroth the black materia at the 'Jenova Reunion.'Little does he know that he'll be found barely living at the shores of Mideel sometime later, then taken care of by none other than Tifa…Please review, lemme know what you think of this one in comparison to my others.Email at [ozzman547@aol.com][1].Later.

Signed Ry…. 

   [1]: mailto:ozzman547@aol.com



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